i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
