and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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