I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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