He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
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She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
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the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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