ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
