he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
