I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
