Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
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There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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