i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
