so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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