someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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