He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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