Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
