I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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