The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
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