You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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