hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
