he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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