You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm at about main and main street
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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