so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
