saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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