I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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