it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
