I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
