went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
