hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
