I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
