I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize