Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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