So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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