No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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