So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
