I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
