How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
