he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Randomize
