Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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