just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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