Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Randomize
