So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
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I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
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THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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