dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
