so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize