Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm at about main and main street
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
