if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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