Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
