'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
