Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
