You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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