Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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