White coat. Heels.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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