like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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