Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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