you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
