I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So vagazzling was a success
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
