I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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