That's intense
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
