fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
