I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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