My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
