um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
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High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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