I never want to see another naked old woman again.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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