Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
