Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
