There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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