he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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