Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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