i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I need a hoe opinion
go on
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
