No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
