I am puke
Soap is not a condiment
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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