My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
