Welp...herpes.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
