So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
