i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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