First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
