Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
